His Time to Shine – Learning to Step Out of the Limelight and into the Role of Wife and Mother

2010 – I quit my day job to focus full time on my music and develop our Creative Arts Initiative in Sierra Leone. Ali and I gave away all of our belongings (aside from personal and sentimental items) and moved out of our tiny Azusa apartment. We were ready to live the life of creatives – vagabonds with music and movies – being wherever we needed to be to make things happen. Four months later, after our trip to Sierra Leone where we ran an amazing CAI pilot program, we were pregnant. Pretty quickly I slipped into a nesting fog – NEEDING a place to settle, and clean, and cozy-up. So we moved into my mom’s place by the beach – kinda perfect and kinda cramped. But that little downstairs room was ours and I did everything I could to make it feel like a sanctuary. All my creative juices went into creating this little person who is now walking and talking and more perfect than I could even have imagined at the time.

At 38 weeks, cleaning

2011 – Cienna was born, Ali left for 2 months to shoot his first feature film in Sierra Leone, “SALAY” (www.salaythefilm.com), and Cienna and I held down the fort waiting for him to return. Meanwhile, even though we were “settled” we were not in our own place and not bringing in enough money to change that fact. But we were comfortable. And the weather was great in Southern California, so it was hard to want to leave. When Ali returned, a skinny and sickly version of himself with only half of his film completed, I wrapped Cienna into the Moby, cooked him some good hearty stew with rice, gave him a big hug, and told him I loved him, that we were in this life together – but that he better get editing on what film he did have. So Ali sat down in his little office in the back closet and edited for days, weeks, months – and emerged with a gem. An absolutely beautiful film. I created some transition music, and added a few songs by the Sierra Leone Refugee All Stars, and it was done. We both knew how special this project was and we were nervous and excited to share it with the world.

2012 – So far we’ve moved out of our little nest, spent 2 months traveling through Denver and New Jersey, and resettled with his mom in Pennsylvania. Plus, Ali’s film had it’s first screening at the San Diego Black Film Festival! SALAY was received with a great response and two award nominations: Best Diaspora Film and Best DIRECTOR – can you believe it?! It seems to be really connecting with people, and thank God! Because we basically spent all the money we had to make that project happen. And Ali really deserves the recognition he is getting from it. He is such a talented filmmaker with a gift for telling stories that tap into the deepest parts of the human spirit. This is his time to shine!

Us three on the red carpet

It’s interesting how my roles have changed over the last few years. I don’t see myself the same at all anymore. I used to exude a very masculine energy – taking charge, making things happen, totally career oriented. Ever since CCDK was born I’ve slowed down a lot and taken on this much more nurturing, feminine role. I’m cooking, cleaning, and stepping back from the limelight (probably the hardest thing I’ve EVER done). But what’s happening is that my husband has become more confident in his own creative work, more secure in his family, and more willing to work harder than ever before in order to provide for us. And my daughter is becoming an intelligent, caring, and confident child. We may be staying with family right now, and some people see that as living an “alternative lifestyle”, but really it’s just us learning how to work as a team, save our money, and prepare for when we’re ready to settle into a home of our own.

Oh, transition, transition… feels like we’ve been in transition for 2 years already! But it’s teaching me to stay fluid, accept the gifts that are being given to us, and embrace this new side of myself that I honestly never knew existed. I’m so proud of my man and the work he is doing. I’m using my own talents to support and uplift him and my daughter right now, and it’s making our unit stronger and stronger by the day.

Oh, the quiet work of a mama

I Am In Need of Music – A Poem by Elizabeth Bishop

 

I am in need of music that would flow

Over my fretful, feeling fingertips

Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips

With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow

Oh, for the healing swaying, 

Old and low,

Of some song sung to rest the tired dead.

A song to fall like water on my head,

And over quivering limbs,

Dream flushed to glow!

 

There is a magic made my melody,

A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool

Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep

To the subaqueous stillness of the sea

And floats forever in a moon-green pool,

Held in the arms of a rhythm and of sleep.

 

I can’t remember just how this poem found me years ago… but I’m so glad that it did.

 

“When in Doubt, Stick With the Black Keys”

Yesterday I woke up in a funk. The weather out here in central Pennsylvania has been super cold and cloudy… and I need a little sun every few days to stay sane. Plus, the wind picked up last night, which made our bedroom door bang back and forth on its latch, so sleep was fragmented with mid-dream visions of people walking in and out of the room… and it was kinda freaking me out a bit. Didn’t get much sleep.

My little family trio just moved out to Central Pennsylvania for a temporary, yet much-needed change of pace, and some time with family. Life changes are great. I like the chance to reinvent my reality and to look at life from new angles. But honestly, since we’ve been here I have been feeling a bit isolated so I’m constantly looking out for any and all activities that will satisfy my need for creativity and community.

By the afternoon, after two frustrating attempts at putting Cienna down for a nap to no avail, even though she was absolutely exhausted and really really needed to take a nap, I decided it was time to brush my grump off and take a walk by myself. So I headed across the street to the campus of a small college that looks very New England and brick-building-y, and kinda makes me want to go back to college again. The first building I saw, directly across the street from our apartment, was the musical arts building. A smile crept it’s way into my gray as I walked right into the front door, up some stairs, down a long hallway, and around a corner to a sign that read “Practice Room”. I stepped inside, closed the door, and turned the lock. Just me, a piano, a mirror, a small table, and a window that looked out over my new street.

I sat down at the piano, ready to play play play all my woes away, and instead I drew a complete blank. In fact, I sat there for a good 10 minutes and didnt play a damn thing. Went into my pockets, pulled out all the items inside looking for… I don’t know what… inspiration? Blackberry, notebook, pen, pacifier.

Then I remembered something my dad once told me (I think it was him… or it may have been some other wise old jazz cat) “When in doubt, stick with the black keys”… and that’s just what I did, played around on the black keys for a while…

The view from my little practice room.

When I emerged from the Musical Arts building I felt completely refreshed. Went home to a baby that slept for an hour – we were both in much better moods. I’m excited about our new surroundings, and looking forward to sneaking into that building many more times over the next few months.

Symphony of Spirit

For the holidays we travelled to Golden, Colorado to be with members from both sides of our family: Ali’s family from the East Coast, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins; both of my parents; and my uncle and aunt. It was the first time that all these wonderful people were in the same place at the same time so we celebrated with food, laughter, games, presents, and indoor snowball fights (instigated by the great-grandparents). We all came together so easily, three generations playing and laughing together for almost a week. The harmony we felt was beautiful, almost musical.

It’s true that the relationships we create in this life are musical. We’re all just bopping along in the world; our little hearts beating a rhythm, each of our our spirits humming a quiet melody. And when we come together with others, family or not, it’s like each of our simple melodies intertwines to become a masterpiece improvisation, a symphony of spirit.

Of course, all the most beautiful compositions in the world have movement to them; harmonies can quickly become dissonant, then they resolve and the cycle repeats. There are also moments of silence when it feels like each of the separate lines are taking a moment to listen, to reflect on what was just played. Then everyone comes back in; the harmonies swell, change direction, collide, and settle back down into a sweetness that is pure and heartfelt. Just like family. These relationships take a lifetime to compose, and sometimes even longer than that.

The past year has given me a perspective into love and family that I never knew existed until becoming a mother. I am now more open with others, more honest with myself, and more fully aware of what I am capable of.

As 2011 comes to a close, I am deeply aware of the notes that my spirit is resolving to; and next year, I will be even more mindful of how my own melody dances with the others in my life. I will also allow myself to sing just a bit more loudly than it has in years past.

2012 will be love and light and music and peace and family.

Happy New Year!

HELP! My Kid Isn’t Musical!

I heard this from one of my student’s parents the other day and I nearly fell over. For one thing, her sweet little girl is playing an instrument that’s twice her size. Secondly, she’s seven.

So I told her mom, “you know, I really wouldn’t worry about that right now…” But it got me thinking about all the moms I’ve talked to over the years who truly believe that their child will never be good at playing music. It makes me so sad to think that they are are so concerned about this!

Music is for enjoying! Music is for tapping into creativity and exploring our emotions. Music is for sharing, for connecting the deepest parts of ourselves with others. People should NEVER learn music simply because they’re supposed to be good at it.

When humans first started making music it was used for togetherness, for bringing the community together. Nowadays we’re so concerned with becoming a “star” that the communal experience of music is being lost – it’s all about standing out as an individual now.

I think if we put pressure on our kids to be good at music right from the beginning we’re setting them up to never feel fully worthy. Learning an instrument can be quite a challenge. Awkward hand/body positions, sore fingers on sharp strings, puffy lips on slippery wet reeds, etc. Hardly anyone is good at their instrument at the beginning.

As parents, let’s take the pressure off: of our kids, of ourselves – no more musical expectations. Find a teacher who encourages creativity and let your kids discover music at their own pace.